Max the Sasquatch
You may have heard of the Sasquatch. They’re famous for being hard to get close to, and with good reason - they freakin’ stink. Really. We should know, we’ve got one working for us.
Max (’natch) is an 8-foot-tall goofball who helps us around the office and kinda represents what PowerMax is all about… being different. He seems to love the whole mascot thing, although he can get mighty sensitive if he hears anyone call him an ape… and don’t even think about mentioning Gigantopithecus in his presence.
He’s best described as “a large, hairy, bipedal humanoid with a slightly pronounced brow ridge.” Yeah, he wrote that (okay, we’re lying, he actually wanted us to write “Tall, furry and handsome stud muffin. ” It’s very hard to find eligible female Sasquatches around town… even in Oregon).
So, just what are we doing with this 500 pound lump of fun? We’re letting the world know that there is more to Sasquatch than the lumbering oaf everyone recognizes from the Patterson-Gimlin film. These guys have feelings. They care, give a back massage you have to feel to believe, and love peanut butter and Twinkie sandwiches. Don’t even ask how we found that out.
So here’s the story as to how Max came to be at PowerMax, and what life is like with a big hairy, um, stud muffin, who smells like an old shoe stuffed with cheese that’s been sitting out in the sun for way too long, only offset by the slight whiff of peanut butter and whatever you call that creamy stuff inside of Twinkies.
- Your friends at PowerMax (Oh, by the way, Max is on Facebook. Friend the big lug, would ya?)
Episode 1: The Arrival of Max, the Sasquatch..
Our CEO describes the arrival of Max at our loading dock. While he puts a brave face on things, the employees were literally terrified, ultimately chasing him through the office with an assortment of high-tech weaponry. Turns out Max is nothing but a big love bug who not only craves peanut butter and Twinkie sandwiches, but he also loves the Macintosh. We just have to figure out how to keep him from busting up the keyboards. He’s stronger than he smells, even.
Episode 2: We Put Max to Work..
After finding out that without a passport, import documents or any other identification no government agency wanted anything to do with him, we decided to put him through our employee training program to see what he could do to earn his keep.
We think maybe someone from Microsoft shipped him down to us because when he saw a copy of Windows on the inventory shelf, he really freaked out. Only by waving a copy of Mac OS X in front of him did we save our shelves from turning into metal spaghetti.
Episode 3: The Facade Continues..
After $13,534 in cleaning fees for the warehouse, another $25,000 in replacement shelving, a couple of settled lawsuits caused by customers having heart attacks when seeing Max amble through the office, and the third vending machine replaced – sans Twinkies – in as many weeks, our CEO starts to swirl rapidly into an alcoholic haze before our very eyes. Please note: PowerMax does not endorse the abuse of intoxicants, but hey, funny is funny, and until he gets out of rehab, we should be able to keep it on the site.
Check back every so often as we are able to capture additional “MaxJinks,” as we so affectionately call them, and post them on our site!
What would you do with a Sasquatch?
We plan on providing more videos of Max's hijinks (aka Maxjinks), especially since the big galoot can't walk through a room without knocking something over (although he's no longer choking copiers to death with butt hair, and we haven't had to clean blood off the ceiling for quite some time).
We've even put him on the phone from time to time, mostly to growl at cold-call telemarketers and people trying to get a refund for a price drop on a product they bought a year and a half ago. But, alas, we're at a bit of a loss as to how to keep him busy all day without his accidentally destroying something. So we ask you - if you had a Sasquatch, what would you do with him? Submit your idea here and maybe - just maybe - with enough peanut butter and Twinkie sandwiches we can get him to act out some of your crazy ideas.
A History of Sasquatch
While many indigenous names predate “Sasquatch,” J. W. Burns ran a series of Canadian newspaper articles in the 1920’s using “Sasquatch” to describe the creature which had existed previously only in local legend. These articles helped popularize both the legend and its new name, making it well known in western Canada before it gained popularity in the United States.
While Sasquatch legends had been around for decades, if not centuries, and had been unified by Burns, it was not until the 1950s that Sasquatch truly received international fame. In 1951, Eric Shipton photographed what he described as a Yeti footprint. which was published shortly thereafter and gained wide attention.